Red haze of rage and regret
by mtm
Summary: A threat becomes reality and reality becomes a nightmare.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** A little warning to start with. This fic will start with T rating, but will move into M later on due to its darkness. And I still don't own anything, just playing... :)

XXX

**Chapter 1.**

Jane was lying down on his couch, his hands behind his head, getting increasingly more fidgety. He had been bothering the men that were fixing the window after his little mishap with a diamond from Mrs. Doverton's collection. He had been mercilessly teasing Rigsby and Van Pelt, nearing a point when he might as well have shouted their little secret from the top of his voice so he had backed off as he didn't want to cause them any real trouble. Cho wasn't fun at all as he had his nose deep in a book and had only glanced up once when Jane had tried to engage the man in a discussion. Lisbon was attending some boring update about how to fill in paperwork correctly or something of the sort. So. He was bored.

Since last weeks case with Mrs. Doverton's diamonds and the charity event, the team hadn't had any cases and it was getting on Jane's nerves. He wanted to be busy. He wanted to be immersed in other people's problems so that he wouldn't need to listen to his own heart hammering away with frustration, anger, longing and loneliness, emotions going on their merry way around and around in his head. Jane sat up and brushed his fingers through his hair while berating himself for opening that can of worms.

He saw Lisbon coming to the bull pen and immediately launched onto his feet, ready to do battle with the petite woman, to see how far he could push her before she lost it. He knew he was playing with fire, but he was seriously bored.

Before he had the chance to open his mouth, Lisbon told the team, "Go home people and have a nice weekend. For once we can enjoy a quiet weekend as Minelli has another team on stand by if something comes along."

Rigsby and Van Pelt barely could hide their happy glances that they were throwing at each other while they quickly gathered their things and without thinking left at the same time. Lisbon lifted her eyebrow but decided not to call attention to their slip.

Cho efficiently gathered his book and bag, wished Lisbon and Jane a good weekend and strolled out leaving his boss and the consultant alone.

Lisbon had already turned back to her office and Jane took few skipping steps after her and started badgering her, but to his surprise Lisbon interrupted him sternly, before he managed to get more than few words out.

"Stop. I want to have for once a quiet weekend. I need to unwind and de-stress or I will snap", she said, her voice softening towards the end. Jane became serious as he had noticed how tired and stressed she had looked recently. He just hadn't realised how bad it was getting, Lisbon was getting better at hiding things from him or he was getting too tired to notice...

"Can I do anything to help?" Jane asked to which Lisbon shook her head. He hadn't expected her to answer him anyway, but he wanted to offer just in case there was something he could do. He was aware that a large portion of Lisbon's stress was due to him and he felt a twinge of regret.

"You should also rest, you look exhausted", Lisbon said looking at Jane noticing how dark the circles under his eyes looked on his pale skin. He must be going through a worse batch of insomnia again. Lisbon took few steps towards him and touched his arm with her two fingers and said gently, "You don't have to go home, you can sleep here if you want. You know that."

Jane was surprised about the openness that Lisbon was exhibiting, but he rather liked it. It was tiring all the time to be the Patrick Jane that everybody thought they had figured out. These moments with Lisbon were precious to him as he could drop his mask knowing that Lisbon wouldn't judge and wouldn't run screaming to the hills either.

Jane looked at the woman in front of him and answered with a tired smile of his own, "I will go home. Can't avoid the place for ever." He tried to smile, but knew that Lisbon saw through him but still decided not to push him, to which he was grateful.

Lisbon gathered all her things and they walked out of the CBI offices to the car park together and after tired goodbyes, Lisbon drove off first, Jane turning towards his own house. Unbeknown to both of them, a pair of eyes were watching.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

Jane was driving the familiar way to his house deep in thought. He couldn't really call the place a home anymore, he spent so much time away from it and to be frank he only kept it to fuel his rage and keep the drive for vengeance going until they caught Red John. He had decided some time ago that he would sell the place after they caught the bastard, he just needed to get the paper work sorted that he could do it quickly when the time came. Or if he was still alive to care about such things. He realised that it was quite unlikely that he would survive the showdown with the killer and he had taken steps to ensure that his will and other paper work was done. Only the house remained an issue if the will wasn't needed. He hadn't said anything about his plans to Lisbon as he knew she would become upset. Maybe later.

He had been sleeping on the couch since the case that started at the fund raising gala, he had been to his house only to change clothes and he still wasn't keen on going there knowing that he had to spend the whole weekend there. He had had nightmares, worse than usual, for some time now and hadn't slept for more than few hours each night for the past week. He was fast reaching his breaking point. He was contemplating renting a room in a hotel when he parked in front of his house. He got out, locked the car and walked to the front door unlocking it and slipped in to the permanent duskiness, that used to be home.

He didn't notice that eyes were watching.

XXX

Lisbon drove home with the anticipation of a bath and a long sleep afterwards. She was exhausted, but she still felt bad for leaving Jane to spend the weekend alone. However she couldn't hold his hand forever and they weren't so close that they would spend the weekend together and anyway she needed a break from him and his tricks.

She liked the man and felt privileged that he trusted her to see the true Patrick Jane once in a while. Those rare moments were one of the most important reasons why she still had him in her team. Yes, he closed cases, but if he was behaving like a jerk all the time, she wouldn't tolerate it. Lately Jane had been either letting himself get more involved with the team or it had crept up on him, but he clearly was a part of the team now. Which made her happy. Why would that thought make her that happy though?

Lisbon parked near her flat still pondering that question and the mystery of what Patrick Jane meant to her. Her reflexes took care of getting out of the car and getting into her flat while leaving her brain alone to ponder the sudden thought.

She didn't notice that keen eyes were observing her.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you Habeous Corpus, needs-him-001 and Katharen Silver for taking the time to review this little story! I'm sorry the chapters are a bit short.

XXX

**Chapter 3.**

A mobile started to ring and was quickly silenced by gruff, "Talk to me."

"She's staying in. She just had a bath and is going to bed. It's up to your end now", was the answer. The man who had answered the call flipped his mobile shut and looked at the two other men in the car with him and nodded. They got out of the car to the quiet street and silently slipped to the shadows, without anyone noticing.

Jane had gotten home and immediately a heaviness descended on him. It always felt like the injustice of the world, all the grief and anger made his shoulders their home the minute he stepped in. He left his keys to the small table next to the door, which was the only furniture in sight. He walked through the dark echoes without a glance to his surroundings to climb up the stairs to arrive to the bedroom. He didn't bother switching on the light, it wouldn't help stopping the intrusion by grinning red face into his dreams anyway. He didn't bother changing as he wouldn't be able to sleep. He would just have a little nap and then sort out the paperwork and think about going to a hotel. He tiredly lowered himself on the mattress and closed his eyes. Soon the silence of the night was only disturbed by steady breathing.

A soft clicking noise vibrated through the empty rooms, but did not disturb the dreaming man upstairs. Three silent shadows stepped in and took in the lack of furniture or anykind of decoration.

"What's going on with this guy?", one of the men whispered softly only to be hushed by the other two. The men quickly went through the ground floor to make sure that there was nobody else in the house. The street lights made sure that they didn't need to use torches. Once they were satisfied with the emptiness of the floor they moved up towards the first floor. The stairs were quiet and the men softly walked through the empty rooms until they came to the end of the corridor and to a half open door. They were starting to doubt that anyone lived in this house, but through the door they could see a mattress. And a man sleeping on it.

One of the men took out a rag and tipped something into it making sure that he didn't inhale it. He quietly inched towards the door, but the man inside didn't stir. It took only few steps to hold the rag in front of the face of the man, who never woke up.

"Why didn't you just slap the rag down? Why be nice?", one of the men growled to which the other one answered shortly, "Orders, this leaves no signs of struggle. And don't get me wrong, his future doesn't hold too many pleasant things".

The men were rolling the man around to get a good hold of him so they could efficiently carry him out and to their car without drawing too much attention. They had expected to find a rug or a curtain to wrap their target in, but now they had to improvise. When they were leaving the room, they saw a red smiley on the wall to which one of the men commented, "This dude is seriously screwed up".

"What were you expecting? No sane man would talk to boss like he did", came the answer ceasing the talk until they were back in their car. The street was still quiet and the shadows undisturbed. The men drove away quietly without switching on the headlights. The man in the back seat carried on sleeping.

XXX

Jane was slowly surfacing from the deepness. He struggled in between the grey area of sleep and waking, which was unusual to him, but so was the grogginess and the heaviness of his limbs. He tried to shift his arms resulting only in a minimal movement. He slowly woke up to the realisation that he was sitting up in a chair, tied up.

Jane opened his eyes tiredly, barely able to get them open to only be blinded by a bright light, which made him to squeeze his eyes shut tightly. He tried to use his other senses to figure out what was going on as he obviously wasn't where he was expecting to wake up. He could smell damp earth and concrete. He couldn't hear anything. Except for someone else breathing. His eyes opened again, this time more carefully, trying to see where he was, but he could only see a concrete wall in front of him, a concrete floor under him and he was just about to turn his head to look around when he heard an amused chuckle behind him.

"Good morning, Mr. Jane. You have been keeping us waiting".

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thank you for reviewing: Sophie Fatale, Kim892, needs-him-001 and MissNitaGirl, you are all so kind! :) From now on, this story will take a nose dive towards dark themes and our beloved Jane will suffer. Be warned.

XXX

**Chapter 4.**

Jane tensed up hearing the man's voice. It was familiar and with it came association of threat and danger, but for the cotton wool filling his head he couldn't straight away come up with a name to go with the voice.

"Thank you for letting me sleep, but could you now release me so I could stretch my legs a bit?", Jane responded with a cheery tone while trying to crane his neck to be able to see the man who had tied him up.

"In a minute, be patient", came a reply and Jane could practically hear the dark grin on the man's face. Then man walked into his line of vision and it began to dawn to Jane that he might be in real trouble. His mind flashed back to a moment a week ago, in front of the lifts at CBI:

_Cullpepper looked to the right, staring at Jane._

"_You should be more careful when you talk to people", he said to which Jane shrugged and replied "Meh, I feel pretty safe here, what are you going to do?"_

_Culpepper kept staring at Jane and said, "You think I care where we are?"_

_Jane was getting slightly uncomfortable under the close scrutiny of this criminal, but then saw Lisbon walking towards the lifts with the Doverton family and felt immediately more confident and flippantly responded, "Go ahead, do something you miserable little sadist."_

_Culpepper didn't outwardly react to his words, but just kept his eyes on him and said with the same even tone that he had used for the whole time, " Sometime when you least expect it, I'll find you" and stepped into the lift leaving Jane standing, worried for a second, but soon forgot the whole episode when he delved back into their case._

"Mr. Culpepper. If you wanted to have a chat, I'm sure we could have met in more pleasant surroundings", Jane acknowledged the man standing in front of him wearing his cowboy hat.

"We are going to have a chat, but I made sure that nobody will interrupt us. You made this meeting a little difficult. You don't like to be alone, do you? This was the first instance that we could approach you without the lovely agent Lisbon at your side. And before you even think about it, she won't be coming to the rescue", Culpepper was still talking in a very reasonable tone. When Lisbon's name came up, Jane had stiffened up and alarm flitted across his face.

"Leave Lisbon out of this, she's got nothing to do with you", Jane said as forcibly as he could for a man who is tied up. Alarmed that she didn't know to take any precautions leaving her practically vulnerable to these mad men.

"Oh, I'm going to. She is going to enjoy a completely relaxing weekend without being bothered by anyone in her team. We are going to have the whole weekend to ourselves, before she notices that you are gone. And she isn't the one who needs to have a lesson in how not to talk to people", Culpepper responded his voice getting darker and quieter.

Jane was now getting worried as it was true that nobody would miss him until Monday when he didn't show up at work. He had to get out of this mess all by himself. Just when he came to that conclusion, his bindings were cut and he was roughly lifted up from behind by two men. He couldn't physically fight his way out so he had to talk his way out. That thought brightened his thoughts until he had a gag tied across his mouth.

"I know about your tricks in talking to people and making them do what you want, confusing them. I also know about your tricks with hypnosis, so I'm taking care of that. The gag will do for now", Culpepper finished ominously and nodded to the two men. They dragged Jane to the opposite wall where Jane noticed shackles were hanging from the ceiling. The other piece of furniture apart from the chair where he had been sitting just a moment ago, was a wooden table close to the shackles that had a variety of things on it. When they got closer, Jane's eyes widened in horror as he took in the selection of different knives and tools. He didn't have time to struggle when the two men lifted his hands up and secured the shackles around his wrists. One of the men then winded the chain so that Jane had to stand on the tip of his toes to reach the floor, his arms stretched up painfully.

"How did that little stretch of your legs feel like? I hope it was good", Culpepper said focusing his attention on the things on the table,shuffling things around until finally picking up a knife.

Jane was shaking his head from side to side, pulling the chains and shackles, trying to get away from the situation as finally his flight reaction took over, but the two men held him in place so that he could only watch in horror as Culpepper approached him with a knife in his hand.

"Now that I have your attention, I will make sure that you will stay put and will not try to run", Culpepper said in a pleasant voice and gestured to the two men, who rotated Jane around so that he was facing the wall.

A searing pain attacked his left ankle, immediately proceeding to his right ankle. The pain was overwhelming, burning and Jane's screams were muffled by the gag as his legs gave way leaving him hanging from his wrists painfully pulling his shoulders.

Jane was turned around again to face the smiling face of Culpepper who was still holding a bloody knife in his hands.

"Your hamstrings are now cut, so don't even think about walking. And do not worry about the blood, I didn't hit any arteries so there is no chance for you to bleed out quickly", Culpepper grinned at Jane who was still struggling with the pain in his ankles and in his shoulders.

"I should think that you will dislocate your shoulders soon", he continued while motioning to his men to come closer, "and that will make you pass out so we might as well give your next lesson now".

Jane tried to brace himself what was to come next, but he wasn't a man of physical activity and he knew he couldn't tolerate pain as well as for example Lisbon could. He could only close his eyes and scream against his gag while tears were streaming down his face as the two men descended on him and the punching and the hitting started.

He felt the punches raining against his chest, his stomach and he was hit in the head multiple times, but he only sank into a blessed unconsciousness when he felt his ribs snapping and piercing something inside and at the same time his left shoulder dislocated.

The darkness took over and his last thought was, "Oh Lisbon, I don't want you to find me like this".

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

Lisbon felt rested and relaxed as Sunday afternoon rolled in. She had been sleeping and eating well and had even had time to see one of her brothers. The thought of Patrick Jane had popped into her head many times and she finally gave in and admitted to herself, although grudgingly, that she cared about the man, full stop. She knew that wasn't the whole story, but wasn't willing to delve into it any deeper.

It was difficult with Jane as he used his showman persona to shield the broken man inside and it wasn't always easy to know which man one was talking to. The glimpses she got from the true Patrick Jane made her trust him, made her ache to comfort this other human being in distress. And of course there was her Achilles heel, she always wanted to make things better, to help people, to improve their lives. She wouldn't mind easing Jane's suffering if he just let her, but so far he had only let her see snippets of him, but at least he was opening up. Slowly for sure, but it was happening and she was happy to adjust to his pace. She considered him her friend (although one that drove her up the walls at regular intervals!) and if nothing else, she was fiercely loyal to her friends and would do anything for them.

So she didn't call Jane, although she wanted to. She was going to see him tomorrow anyway and he probably wanted to have some privacy too. Maybe she would ask him to grab a coffee next weekend if they weren't busy. She should look up if there were any decent tea houses around...Lisbon looked at the duster in her hand and started sneezing as the dust was flying around as she attacked her much neglected flat while listening to Spice Girls.

XXX

He was furious. How dare they intervene, those clumsy brutes?

He had the house under constant surveillance, but hadn't had a change to review the footage until this morning. He hadn't expected anything unusual, but then these idiots had come along and they had the luck of imbeciles that no one had noticed them. It hadn't taken him long to track them down and that's why he was here. Looking at a nondescript house in a nondescript neighbourhood.

He had done the ground work earlier. When you knew how to use the system to your advantage, it was easy to get all the necessary information. He knew the layout of the house, knew the people inside. Now it was just the matter of observing and getting the tiniest details before teaching these thugs a lesson. He was looking forward to it.

XXX

Jane was transitioning in and out of consciousness without being aware it. He had lost the track of time, didn't know whether he had been here for days or for mere hours.

His world consisted of pain. Stabbing, slicing, burning, throbbing, deep pain that wouldn't go away. He couldn't hear any more for the rushing blood in his ears and the pain blanketing all the sensations. His mind had started to shut down along his body and his thoughts were single words, visual cues, sensations, but he tried to cling to a word Lisbon although it brought him anguish and worry it also brought comfort. He wasn't aware of his situation any longer, Patrick Jane only existed in a far corner of his mind that was rapidly being closed in by darkness.

XXX

Culpepper was standing at the door, wrinkling his nose to the smell in the room. The man hanging from the chains had his feet in a puddle of urine, faeces and blood, although they had hosed him down with water. It hadn't made the stench any better, damn it. They had cut away all of his clothing without paying attention to the damage that they were inflicting on the man at the same time. After they had used some cold water again, the man had been conscious enough to complain being cold, so they had helped to warm him up a bit. Burn marks on his torso were still weeping.

He was disappointed that Jane hadn't withstood the torture at all, the police force was lowering their standards in who they appointed these days. He had to hold his men back more than he liked to ensure that Jane survived until Monday when they would dump him at his apartment to be found by his team. He wasn't sure whether the man would hold until then. He was still bleeding continuously from all the cuts, the burns covered a reasonable area of his skin, his stomach was distended and his breathing had gone all funny. And he still must be cold as his lips were blue. Even Culpepper could tell that they had managed to do some serious damage. He grinned at the thought; definitely a job well done.

Culpepper glanced at his watch to see that evening was fast approaching. Time to move to the final stage to better utilise the darkness of the coming night to slip Jane back to his house. He would need one of the men to hold Jane down, although it looked like the man wasn't going to put up a fight.

Culpepper called to his men from the open door and turned back, walking to the table next to the damaged man and picked up a pair of old fashioned tailors scissors. They would be perfect.

Nobody had come down to the room yet, but as Jane was unlikely to offer any resistance, Culpepper decided to proceed alone, which was more fitting as this was to be his final lesson. He removed the gag, noticing that there was no need to hold Jane's jaws open as they had stiffened to a position already, being gagged for two days.

Culpepper took hold of Jane's tongue, pulling it out and felt disappointed as the man didn't stir.

"This will teach you to mind your tongue", he hissed while lifting the scissors to Jane's tongue.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** A big thank you goes to all the wonderful people who have taken the time to review the story so far! It's greatly appreciated and getting some more wouldn't hurt either:) Shall we see then what poor Jane has gotten himself into...

**Chapter 6.**

The men in the house hadn't thought anything about a lone, nondescript, non-threatening man who had come to the door to ask for help as his car had broken down, therefore having had no time to respond when the seemingly harmless man had exploded into action cutting their throats in very efficient manner. Now the blood was seeping into the floor and the house was quiet once again.

He got in the house easily, these thugs were so amateurs that it wasn't even funny anymore. No challenge at all, which made him annoyed. He held onto the bloody knife as he hadn't reached his target yet and silently moved towards the closed door where he knew the steps led downstairs. He opened the door to hear a man talking and his senses were assaulted by smells that spelled trouble.

XXX

Culpepper was just about to remove Jane's tongue with scissors when he simultaneously felt a hand on his shoulder and a cold blade on his throat. He froze. CBI wasn't suppose to know that they held Jane here! Nobody knew!

"Patrick Jane is mine", a soft voice whispered into his ear while the blade was sinking into his flesh, far enough to draw blood, but not far enough to cause any damage.

"I'm the only one to decide his fate. Not you. His future is mine, his life is mine", the voice hissed. Culpepper was confused and now scared. This wasn't the CBI, the police didn't operate this way. Who the hell was this guy and how had he found them?

The blade dig deeper and Culpepper was trying to lean backwards to get away from the blade, but he was held securely in place by a chest against his back. He was sweating profusely now as he was at loss, he wasn't in control anymore and he didn't understand what was going on.

"You have ruined all my plans and you will pay", the voice behind him announced darkly and all of the sudden he was pushed against the wall. Culpepper whirled around to face his attacker, only to be surprised as he had never seen the guy before. However the look on his face was familiar enough, the man was intent on killing him and taking all the pleasure he could from it. Culpepper tried to flee.

He was hit hard in the face and the room started spinning. Before he knew what was happening, he was back against the wall, feeling something pressing to his palm. The next second had him howling in pain. The bastard had used a nail gun on his hand! This fuelled Culpepper's desperation to get free but to no avail, the stranger had him nailed to the wall in no time.

When the stranger drew out a knife already covered in blood, Culpepper knew that he was done. Obviously his men had met this man upstairs. The stranger stepped closer and plunged the knife into Culpepper to be met with screams of agony. Again and again and again.

XXX

He was covered in blood but he was satisfied at his handiwork. The idiot in front of him was truly and properly gutted, but at least he had been sport enough to stay alive until the end when he had cut his throat. Now it was time to attend to the matter of Patrick Jane.

He walked to the man hanging from the chains, noting that he was still unconscious and hadn't stirred at all even with all the commotion going on in the room. He was still alive, although barely and it looked like he might not be alive for long.

"Oh, the things I do for you, dear Mr. Jane", the stranger sighed leaning closer, but not touching.

"That tongue of yours keeps getting you into trouble, but the game has been pleasant so far, so let's see what we can do to keep going, shall we?", he continued. He had noticed the rags in the corner of the room, which looked like they were Jane's clothes. He went to poke at them and found Jane's mobile phone. It was wet, but still working so he went to press the speed dial number one.

XXX

Lisbon was roused from deep sleep by the thrilling of her mobile. She blindly reached out for it, flipping it open and groaned with a muffled, "Lisbon", her face still in the pillow.

"Agent Lisbon. Tsk, tsk. Is this how you look after your team?", a soft voice answered her.

Lisbon sat up and look at the display, it was Jane's phone. Now she was fully alert and immediately worried.

"Who's this? Where's Jane?", she shot clipped questions at the stranger while clasping the phone tightly.

"Mr. Jane has unfortunately managed to get into trouble again and since you didn't seem to be inclined to help him, I had to step in. He is here", the man continued and rattled off an address that Lisbon quickly wrote down. She tried to ask the man what was going on but was cut off.

"I suggest you come soon. And that you call an ambulance. Goodbye." And the line went dead.

Lisbon was frantic, she called the team on her way out. She hadn't even bothered to change clothes, but was still wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt, just pausing enough to throw her leather jacket on. By the time she was in her car, she had called the emergency services with officer down request and had called Minelli. Luckily it was late and there were few cars around as she was speeding through the streets like the hounds of hell were chasing her. And maybe they were.

XXX

He threw the mobile back into the corner where he had found it and leaned towards Jane who was breathing very slowly and completely limp in his chains.

"Agent Lisbon is coming for you, but I wouldn't hold my breath that she will make it in time. Well, it was fun as long as it lasted. Goodbye Mr. Jane", the stranger said and strolled out of the room leaving behind a man barely alive hanging from the ceiling, a dead man nailed to the wall and a blood red smiley face on the wall to keep company to them both.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Thank you again for all the lovely reviews!

**Chapter 7.**

Lisbon was following the instructions on her GPS, but she would have known which house it was on the dark street anyway. The ambulance had just arrived and she could see Cho jumping out of his car that he had left haphazardly on the street. Lisbon stopped the car close to his and ran out of the car leaving the door open. Cho had seen her coming and was silently waiting, a gun drawn, so they could approach the house. The paramedics knew to wait until the site was secured, hanging back in their vehicle. In the distance blue lights and the preening of sirens was coming closer telling Lisbon that the back up was arriving.

Cho was still silent as Lisbon had explained what little she knew, hence it was pointless for him to ask any questions. He was worried, but didn't need to share that verbally as he knew Lisbon would know it just by looking at him. She also shared the feeling based on the look on her face and knowing his boss, there was no point in drawing attention to it. They had work to do, no time to discuss their feelings.

She nodded at the grim looking Cho and they approached the house noticing that the lights were on but the side door was open. It was quiet, except for the noises the neighbours were making, coming out of their houses to see what was going on in the middle of the night. Lisbon heard the police officers who had now arrived to take care of it and she shut off all the noise in the background. Lisbon carefully nudged the door more open and it swung back to reveal a kitchen and two men lying on the floor. Cho was providing backup when they stepped forward to take in the blood splatter the arteries had sprayed when their throats were cut. The small room was practically coated in blood.

It was clear that the men were dead and no threat to them so they carried on. They were highly strung and alert, but the house was still eerily quiet, which didn't bode well. When they had taken few steps towards the front of the house, Cho noticed a smell coming from a door on the side. He gestured to Lisbon, but then they heard a noise coming from the kitchen door and turned around pointing their guns at the noise. To their relief it was only Rigsby and Van Pelt. Lisbon gestured them to secure the rest of the house, they were going to check the basement with Cho.

Lisbon had already stepped on the stairs and was slowly descending. The smell was becoming stronger. She also saw light at the end of the stairs, but still no noise. She came to a second door, which was cracked open, revealing that the origin of the smell was definitely inside. Lisbon felt Cho's presence behind her and they took their positions on both side of the door to secure their entry and Cho got ready to kick the door open.

What Lisbon remembered later, was the sequence of snapshots. The first thing she saw after bursting from the door, was Red John's signature on the wall, grinning down at them. The second snapshot was left from the smiley, a dead man nailed to wall, his bowels trailing onto the floor from the massive wound in his stomach and the blood covering the floor. Immediately Lisbon knew it wasn't Jane. The third snapshot was Cho's back as he had frozen in place and Lisbon had to walk slightly to the side to see what had caused the uncharacteristic behaviour. The fourth snapshot was Jane and time lost its meaning.

XXX

Cho was the first to recover as he started yelling at Rigsby to get the paramedics and cutters. This also broke the spell that Lisbon was under and she ran to Jane to check his pulse.

"It's weak, but it's there", Lisbon sighed to Cho her fingers finding the weak pulsing in Jane's throat. She kept her hand on his pulse just to make sure that it didn't disappear, just to confirm that the man was alive, that nothing was going to snatch him away. She reluctantly removed her hand from Jane's throat when Cho went to envelope Jane in a bear hug in an effort to support his weight. He knew that it was dangerous as he didn't know what other injuries the man had suffered, but he couldn't just stand there doing nothing.

Rigsby ran in with the cutters followed by the paramedics who took the scene in, but held onto their professionalism and didn't throw up although the younger one was definitely looking green. While Cho was hugging Jane to him, Rigsby lifted the cutters and cut the shackles causing Jane to slump into Cho. Lisbon helped to ease him on the stretcher and was then gently but firmly pushed aside by the paramedics.

By this time more officers had arrived and few had ventured down to the cellar, all but one fleeing the minute they saw the room and took in the smell. One old, grizzly officer stayed at the door watching their backs just in case they had missed someone in their search of the house. Even he avoided looking in to the room.

While the team looked on in despair as the paramedics worked on the still form of Jane, Cho heard Minelli's voice coming from upstairs. He glanced at Lisbon, who seemed to be in shock. She was pale, shaking and frankly he was surprised that she was still standing. Cho looked at Van Pelt, who looked sick even with Rigsby supporting her. He caught her eye and nodded at Lisbon, Van Pelt understanding straight away what was needed. While she moved towards Lisbon to put her hand on her shoulder leaving a confused Rigsby to stare at them and at Jane alternatively, Cho slipped away to meet with Minelli.

Cho climbed the steps quickly and was met with an angry Minelli as the officers tried to tell him not to go downstairs if he didn't want to have nightmares for the rest of his life. When he saw Cho, his eyes widened and he rushed forward.

"What happened to you? Are you all right? Where are the others?", Minelli was asking while holding Cho by shoulders. Cho looked at him confused, what was the man going on about? He decided to ignore those questions and told Minelli in a logical and chronological order what had happened since Lisbon had woken him up with her frantic call about Jane being in trouble. This was his way of staying in control of his emotions, although this time it left him tightly coiled.

Minelli was aghast and clearly disturbed and worried about Jane and still to Cho's surprise was going on about paramedics having a look at him. Finally Cho realised what was going on when he glanced down at his sweater and sweat pants. He hadn't had time to change either and now his clothes were coated with Jane's blood.

"This is Jane's blood. None of it is mine", Cho said quietly and Minelli stopped in his tracks, just staring at him.

"He's in a bad way", Cho said once again and this time it seemed to really sink in as Minelli started looking sick and leaned against a wall which was luckily fairly clear from blood.

"And Lisbon is in shock", Cho continued to which Minelli nodded, not looking particularly surprised. They had all noticed that Lisbon and Jane shared a closer bond than the rest of them although if confronted with it, they would have denied it.

They were interrupted by the paramedics carrying the stretcher past them, a pale, blue lipped Jane wrapped securely in blankets looking already as good as dead. Both Cho and Minelli could only look as he was taken away in obvious hurry. Lisbon, Van Pelt and Rigsby followed, Lisbon seemingly having recovered a bit as she was hurrying after the paramedics after telling Cho and Minelli that she was going to go the hospital with Jane.

Van Pelt and Rigsby came to stand next to Cho and Minelli outside the house, taking in all the action around them. Minelli asked in a gruff voice, "Where are they taking him?"

"To UC Davies, they have the best trauma facilities", Rigsby answered still slightly dazed at what had happened.

"Go on. We have it covered", Minelli said and saw Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt take off immediately to the hospital. Minelli was left standing alone, with the weight of the world on his shoulders until he drew a deep breath and strode back into the house bellowing commands.

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

Lisbon sat next to Jane in the back of the ambulance, at the same time trying to stay out of the way of the paramedic who had the work cut out for him in trying to keep the man in his care alive until they arrived in the hospital and at the same time trying to hold on to his hand. His hand which was limp and cool to the touch and which she hold on to for her dear life.

When they arrived at the hospital Jane was whisked away to the weak protest from Lisbon. His hand being torn away from her, leaving her fighting tears in the middle of the admission bay until a kind nurse approached her and led her to sit down in a quiet corner of the room.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but they have to move very quickly. We received the status of the patient before you arrived and we have the best trauma team waiting for him", the nurse explained while Lisbon sat staring at her hands that were covered in blood.

The nurse recognised the signs of shock and gently led Lisbon first to wash her hands and then gave her some scrubs to change into and a blanket and a pillow. She went to get her something warm to drink and all this time Lisbon had been uncharacteristically docile, doing what she was told to do, but she could only see the deathly still form of Jane, still hanging from the chains covered in blood. Oh god, all that blood.

The nurse came back with a cup of tea with lots of sugar and made sure the woman drank all of it. Only after that she quietly asked for her name and what her relationship was to the man brought in and whether there was anyone they needed to call. Lisbon answered all the questions quietly, not quite sure all of the sudden how she had gotten there. The nurse answered all her questions, not mentioning that she had actually explained everything earlier as she knew that the woman in front of her was in shock.

The nurse took Lisbon to the waiting room outside of the operating theatres and promised that someone would update her about Jane's condition as soon as they had anything. She also made Lisbon lie down comfortably and tucked her in under the blanket. Before leaving, the nurse made the other nurses on the floor to promise that Lisbon would be looked after. They all knew by now that an agent had been tortured brutally and might not survive and the nurses were more than happy to look after the agent in the waiting room.

XXX

Lisbon closed her eyes, exhausted both physically and mentally. The adrenaline high was fading and the worry about Jane hit her in full force, her shock finally taking over. Although she didn't want to close her eyes as she was flooded immediately with images of Jane. She shuddered to think what he must have gone through. And all alone. They hadn't had any idea that he was in trouble. What did that say about them? Lisbon continued to blame herself while lifting the blanket up to cover her face and she finally let the tears fall.

XXX

Cho, Van Pelt and Rigsby were directed to the waiting room, but once they saw Lisbon's prone form shaking under the blanket, they stopped in their tracks. Rigsby wordlessly took Van Pelt's hand and whispered to Cho that they were going to see if they could find something to eat, to which Cho gave a ghost of smirk. Rigsby and his food. Cho stepped in to the otherwise deserted waiting room and sat quietly to the chair next to Lisbon's head on a pillow. Now he could hear that she was indeed crying, even though she was trying to muffle her sobs with the pillow. Cho wasn't sure what to do, but hesitantly started to stroke Lisbon's hair, the little he could see peeking from under the blanket. As Lisbon didn't object, he continued until the shaking lessened and finally stopped.

When Rigsby and Van Pelt returned to the room, they were met by the sight of Cho sleeping sitting on a chair, his arms crossed in front of him leaning against the wall and Lisbon's dark hair peeking under the blanket, her breathing slow and steady. The other two agents sat down with cups of coffee in their hands, Van Pelt leaning against Rigsby, preparing themselves for a long wait.

XXX

The hours went by. Lisbon and Cho had awoken while Rigsby still slept leaning against Van Pelt. Lisbon seemed to be better, although Cho kept a very close eye on her. He had gotten everybody some breakfast and they were once again sitting in silence.

All of the sudden an exhausted surgeon walked to the room and asked, "Anyone for Patrick Jane?"

The team jumped up from the chairs and crowded around the doctor, who didn't look surprised to be confronted by so many people as he knew the patient worked for CBI and this must surely be his team members.

"How is he?", asked Lisbon breathlessly looking up at the doctor, the worry and fear evident in her eyes.

"He's alive, but in a very grave condition. We concentrated on the most severe injuries, however we have to examine him again soon to see about the rest of the injuries", the surgeon said and continued to the stunned silence.

"He has two fractured ribs that led to a punctured and collapsed lung and a punctured liver, which led to internal bleeding. He also had ruptured spleen which added to the internal bleeding distending his stomach visibly, especially as his clotting factors couldn't keep up with all the injuries. He has a severely dislocated left shoulder, which tore through his muscles and ligaments. We also repaired his severed Achilles's tendons in both ankles. He also has swelling in the brain and evidence of recent bleeds although none active at present. Then there is the matter of the second and third degree burns covering his torso, which have led him to have a bad case of septicaemia. We have also sutured the largest cuts that he suffered. Then there are all the bruises and other cuts, but we have to look at the rest of them tomorrow", the doctor said frankly to the group of people in front of him.

"Will he be all right?", asked Lisbon quietly, the fear taking over her features.

"We don't know", said the surgeon honestly.

"We are keeping him in a coma to give his body a rest and at the moment he is stable. If he can make it for the next 24 hours and he won't succumb to the infection, he's chances for survival are good", the surgeon answered. Cho noticed that he didn't say anything beyond whether Jane would live, which worried him. He kept quiet though as the main thing now was that Jane would live.

"Can we see him?", Cho heard Lisbon asking.

"We are transferring him to the ICU now and as he needs to be isolated due to his burns and sepsis, only one person can see him. I'll tell the nurses to teach you the procedure", the doctor said before disappearing again behind the doors.

Lisbon sagged down to the chair and covered her face with her hands. She then looked up to Cho who was sitting next to her and said, " At least he's alive, right?" Cho nodded trying to dispel some of the fear and worry in her eyes, but before he could say anything a nurse came to take them to the ICU.

Once in the intensive care unit, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt made sure that Lisbon was the one who went to see Jane promising to come by later that day. They would go home to change and head back to the office to see what Minelli had found out so far.

Lisbon didn't argue, but followed the nurse, who would teach her about the isolation procedures. The rest of the team left the ward, worried for Jane as well as for Lisbon. They didn't notice a man at the nurses station looking at Jane's room.

XXX

When Lisbon finally got to sit next to Jane, the tears started again and this time she didn't bother hiding them. The nurse had explained what all the machines were for and how to call help if she needed anything. She had also explained that it would be good if she could talk to Jane and to keep in some form of physical contact. When Lisbon had looked at Jane, who seemed be covered in bandages, wires and tubes, she had felt completely helpless. She didn't know how it was possible to touch him, but the nurse had encouraged her and pointed out that his hands were free of tubes as he had a central line for the infusions in his neck. So here she was. Stroking Jane's hand with her shaking fingers with tears choking her leaving her wordless.

The dawn arrived coating everything in it's brilliant red golden light, touching the face of the ashen man in the silent room and the woman holding on to his hand. Promising a day of brightness and warmth. But in the silence of the room the shadows prevailed.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9.**

Jane made it through the first 24 hours. His other injuries were tended to, including skin grafts for the burns and he finally seemed to be firmly on the side of the living. The doctors still kept him in a coma to allow proper healing.

Lisbon visited every day after work, often staying until late at night. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt also came for visits, as now Jane was out of isolation. Even Minelli joined them once, although he didn't stay for long.

The team had found out surprisingly quickly what had taken place and how Culpepper was the culprit. They couldn't quite wrap their heads around how Red John became involved. They did speculate about him keeping Jane's house under surveillance, but they didn't find any evidence of it. Lisbon had been to his house with Cho, as it was a crime scene. Knowing how Jane cherished his privacy she hadn't wanted to take the full team with her and the others understood. Cho had always been closest to Jane from the team apart from Lisbon so it made sense to take him as a backup. They didn't find anything.

There was no evidence pointing towards Red John's involvement in the kidnapping and torture. They wouldn't have known that he was involved except for his signature on the wall and the phone call to Lisbon. They also had to grudgingly admit that it was only due to him that Jane was still alive and that was a bitter pill to swallow.

While Jane was in the hospital the team hadn't had any new cases and Minelli was more than happy to have them catching up with their paperwork. That gave the team the chance to go home on time and that meant that Lisbon could regularly visit Jane. Especially after it turned out that he had made her his emergency contact, she felt that it was her responsibility to look after him and his affairs. She tried to ignore the little voice in the back of her head, which kept nagging at her that this wasn't the only reason why she was at Jane's side more often than not.

Therefore it wasn't surprising that when Lisbon went to the hospital on that evening, Jane's doctor was waiting to talk with her. He took her to a quiet room and they sat down.

"I wanted to discuss something with you", the doctor started.

"Mr. Jane is healing very well and there haven't been any set backs that we were so worried about", he continued and while Lisbon was very happy to hear that, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was a but coming.

"We are planning to bring him out of coma in a few days time, but before doing that I wanted to talk with you. You see, I'm confident that he will recover physically almost to his pre-trauma state, barring the injury to his shoulder, which might give him limited range of motion and of course all the scarring will be present. What I'm more concerned about is his mental status", the doctor stated.

Lisbon looked thoughtful and the doctor gave her time to think about what he had said. She knew the patient the best and although they had Mr. Jane's medical history, it was always useful to talk to people that were close to a patient as there was always something that wasn't included in the official notes.

Lisbon had to admit that the thought of Jane's mental status had crossed her mind few times, but she had always pushed it away as it had always been his physical injuries that had demanded more imminent attention. She was pondering how much to divulge to the doctor and decided to place her words carefully.

"You know about his family being killed?", Lisbon started to which the doctor nodded.

"He didn't do well with that, but came through seemingly coping, although I would say that he still hasn't fully recovered from it", Lisbon continued trying not to bring up the fact that Jane had been an inpatient in a mental health hospital. To her relief the doctor seemed to get what she was trying to say.

"Has he been trained in the physical aspect of work in police force and how to react to injuries and such", the doctor then asked.

"No, he hasn't as he is a consultant. Not an officer as such", Lisbon answered, not quite sure where the doctor was going with this.

"My concern is that he experienced a massive emotional trauma when he lost his family, from which he never recovered. Add to that the physical torture that he went through, probably without ever considering that he might find himself in a such situation thus having never prepared for the possibility", the doctor explained himself and Lisbon had to agree with what he was saying.

"I'm almost 100 % sure that he will suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. Add to that the physical trauma to his brain and I wouldn't be too surprised if his personality has changed", the doctor said carefully trying to make sure that he didn't alarm the woman in front of him unduly, but having to warn her of might happen.

Lisbon started at his words. It hadn't even entered her mind that when Jane woke up, he wouldn't be his normal, annoying, charming self. She berated herself, of course he would be different. Anybody would be after going through that kind of torture.

"I just wanted to warn you before we bring him out of the coma in case he behaves uncharacteristically for him. Also I would like to refer him to a psychologist with a solid experience of PTSD", the doctor continued.

"Before I would have said that Jane would never agree to that, but now I just don't know. It's worth a try though", Lisbon answered feeling helpless.

"I would like you to talk to the psychologist first so she can give you some insight into PTSD and how you can help Mr. Jane", the doctor suggested carefully. Lisbon wasn't too sure what she thought of it, with her experience of psychologists, but she was willing to give it a try if it helped Jane.

XXX

Lisbon had her first sessions with the psychologist and to her surprised, she liked the doctor. She even willingly started talking about her relationship with Jane and about her worries for Jane as she couldn't talk to anyone else and all the thoughts were really weighing heavily on her. To her relief the doctor listened, but didn't start digging any deeper.

Then came the day when Jane was weaned off from the ventilator and all the medications to keep him in the coma were stopped. Now they just had to wait until he wanted to wake up and the doctors were reassuring Lisbon that it was normal if that took some time.

XXX

Lisbon was coming from the office after an other uneventful day and passed by the nurses station greeting them in passing. Jane was now on a regular ward and he had a room to himself, which made it so much easier that being in the open ward of the intensive care unit.

Lisbon stepped in to the room, folded her jacket on the chair next to Jane's bed and sat down. She started telling him about her day as had become her habit, when she noticed that his fingers were twitching. Lisbon grabbed his hand and stood up leaning closer to Jane.

"Jane, are you awake? Open your eyes for me, please. It's me, Lisbon", she pleaded and was totally unprepared for the reaction she got.

Jane pulled his hand away and tried to shrink into a small corner of the bed while whimpering and groaning from pain. He still had to open his eyes.

Lisbon still had her heart in her throat, Jane's reaction had scared the crap out of her. She pressed the button to call the nurse to let them know that Jane was awake. Kind of. In the meantime she tried again, " Jane, you are all right. You are safe. You are in a hospital". A nurse popped in and took the scene in front of her.

"Are you all right for a moment, I'm going to call the doctor?", she asked and disappeared after Lisbon nodded.

Jane had now opened his eyes and the panic and fear in his eyes broke Lisbon's heart. He was looking around the room and seemingly came to a conclusion that he was indeed in a hospital. Then his eyes came to rest on Lisbon and she could see the hesitation in them. And the fear.

He reached a hesitant hand towards Lisbon's face touching her cheek and whispered, "You are really here".

"I'm here and not going anywhere", Lisbon answered tearfully. She slowly reached out and placed her hand on his, trying not to startle him. But again Jane shocked her. Once he realised where he was and who was with him, he pulled Lisbon to him in a hug, holding her close ignoring all of his injuries. Lisbon held onto him, letting him dictate what was happening. She could feel him smelling her and stroking her hair, clearly wanting to feel the sensation and she was happy to let him have that. She was grateful that she had been warned about the possibility of uncharacteristic behaviour as otherwise she would have freaked out already.

Lisbon became aware of the presence of others in the room and apparently so did Jane as he eased his hold of her, but before letting her go any further whispered into her ear, "Can I call you Teresa? Please?"

Lisbon wasn't sure why Jane would say that of all the possible things he could have said, but she whispered back, "Of course you can" and was surprised to see what looked like a relief washing over his features when she pulled herself up. Then the doctor and the nurse took over checking Jane, while Lisbon stayed quietly out of their way.

When Jane had stirred, the first thing he knew was the pain, once again that awful pain, somebody touching him and then he heard the word Lisbon, which was surely a sign that he was still being tortured as that was the only word that he could hang on to. When he became more aware of his surroundings and finally when he set his eyes on Lisbon, he knew that he had been rescued. An overwhelming urge to hold Lisbon came over him and without thinking he reached for her. To his relief she came willingly and he was now shamelessly clinging onto her, smelling her and feeling the silkiness beneath his fingers to make sure that this wasn't some cruel twist of fate.

When he became aware that there was someone else in the room, he reluctantly let Lisbon go, whispering a final request to her as he couldn't bear calling her Lisbon any more without thinking about the dreadful pain and the torture and the fear that he would never see her again. He was relieved beyond words when she gave her permission to call her Teresa.

While the doctor and the nurse prodded and poked him, asking questions to which he answered truthfully but absent mindedly, he kept his eyes on the petite brunette, never letting go.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Thank you once again for all the kind words and reviews, special thank you going to those people that I can't reply directly to, especially MentalistLover: your detailed reviews make my day, thank you!

**Chapter 10.**

Jane was slowly getting through each day, his days filled with physical therapy of different sorts as well as sessions with the psychologist. To everybody's amazement, he had agreed to see her, although one of the reasons was that Lisbon had talked to her first and seemed to like her. He was eagerly waiting the evenings when Lisbon would come and visit him as she came almost every night, except if the team had a case out of town and that had happened only once. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt had also been to visit few times a week over the past two weeks and Jane was happy that they came.

He hadn't talked to anyone else than the psychologist, but he was aware that he had changed, however that change didn't really bother him. He knew some about the physical trauma he had gone through, but he hadn't been ready to hear all the details yet. The psychologist had encouraged him to talk to Lisbon about the changes and he was considering it. He was at the same time reluctant and eager to talk to her. On one hand he didn't want to burden her any more as she had been a god sent already, however he had this need to talk to her, to try to reach her on a deeper level. He knew it wasn't how things had been before between them, thus he was reluctant to scare her away as he wasn't sure that she cared about him that deeply.

Jane had been walking today as his hamstrings were healing nicely. His shoulder was giving trouble and he had been warned that he would never gain the full range of motion, but he still went to the physiotherapy to try to regain as much of its use as possible. The various cuts and bruises were a minor ache and didn't bother him too much. At least not during the day. During the night he had had several flashbacks to the torture, when he had woken up in severe pain. The nurses and doctors now made sure that his analgesia was increased for the night, but that left him very drowsy.

Jane had had flashbacks on other times too and after having a panic attack when Lisbon had touched him without a warning, he had avoided physical contact. After hugging Lisbon after waking up, he hadn't touched anyone else. He still startled easily at certain noises and when they needed to remove his stitches, the sight of the blade made him literally run out of the room or rather wheel himself out in a wheelchair. It had taken several days and Lisbon at his side before the stitches came out, with the nurse using small scissors and forceps instead of a blade.

Now Jane was lurking outside the psychologist's office as he knew that Lisbon was suppose to talk to her first and then come to see him. But he was inpatient and lonely and he wanted to surprise her by walking up to her, so here he was, sitting on a chair in the corridor behind a big plant to hide from Lisbon before springing his surprise.

XXX

Lisbon was talking with the psychologist about Jane and how his behaviour had changed.

"He had this arrogant, cocky, cheerful exterior, always the charming devil that was plotting away schemes behind your back. Rarely did he show me his other side of gentleness, sadness and grief, but now it feels like the crust has fallen away and the core is all that is left", Lisbon said trying to explain what she thought.

"My team also says that Jane is more openly friendly and shows genuine happiness when they visit, whereas before they couldn't be quite sure whether he was genuine or not", Lisbon concluded struggling how to describe the changes.

"I agree with you", the psychologist said.

"What I have learned from you and from him, it does indeed look like his protective persona that was the shield against the world and all the hurt, has gone and he's vulnerable and exposed. He still retains his observational skills and I would say that his charm is as intact as ever as all the nurses could vouch for", the doctor chuckled and Lisbon grinned at her.

"What is remarkable though is that he doesn't seem to be too bothered about the changes and one of his reasons is you, Teresa", the doctor continued. Lisbon looked at her with a genuine surprise on her face.

"He has been able to cope with the changes, as well as accept himself as he is, mostly due to you still staying at his side and treating him with honesty and letting him take the lead", the psychologist explained to a stunned Lisbon.

"Like he himself said, you have been his shield when he needed it the most", she continued smiling.

"He has had time to construct a new view of himself and you have provided him with a reference point. I would think that his personality changes are permanent due to damage to his brain and the PTSD, but he is coping remarkably well with that. He also knows his boundaries and for example has stated that he's not ready yet to go through all the details of his injuries and the trauma itself", the psychologist explained.

Lisbon was happy that Jane was doing so well and if she was truthful to herself, she liked this new Jane. Even with the obvious problems and episodes of flashbacks and panic attacks, he was more open, gentle and happy than he had been before. It was so sad that it had to take all the suffering and torture to bring this side of him out to the open.

"How are you coping Teresa?", the doctor suddenly gently asked.

Lisbon was startled out of her musings and stared at the the doctor hesitantly, but decided to go for honesty.

"It has been hard when I feel there's nothing I can do to help him, that I can't even touch him and I have been struggling to hide my feelings from him as he doesn't need me sad. Luckily so far I think I have succeeded", Lisbon said quietly.

"You care a great deal about him and that is your strength", the doctor said carefully, trying to navigate the dangerous waters of not telling Lisbon what Jane had told her about his feelings. She knew it was going to be a hard, long journey for these two, but she truly believed that they were going to make it if they gave it a chance.

They chatted for a little while longer, but Lisbon was keen to leave to have a little moment to herself before seeing Jane as she usually did. She needed the time alone to compose herself and to wipe all the traces of worry and doubt and a little room just outside of the psychologist's office was meant just for that and that was where she was heading.

XXX

Jane saw Lisbon coming out the doctor's office, but instead of walking down the corridor towards him, she slipped inside a small room in the corridor. Jane felt the first coil of worry in his stomach, Lisbon looked so tired, so sad. She never looked like that when she came to see him. Had she received bad news? But what could they be?

Jane walked slowly up to the door and stopped to listen outside. When he heard Lisbon's muffled sobs, the worry uncoiled and he would have barged through the door if it had been locked. Lucky for him it was open and he stepped in.

Lisbon was sitting on a sofa, her hand in front of her mouth trying to stop the the sobs. She looked up at him with watery green eyes, now red rimmed and shocked. Jane didn't need to think, his only thought was to comfort this wonderful woman in front of him.

"Oh Teresa, come here", he whispered sitting down next to her and gathering her in his arms.

This seemed to be the last straw for Lisbon who buried her face in his neck, now openly crying while Jane stroked her back in soothing circles. He didn't say anything as he didn't know what was wrong, but the fact that Lisbon was seeking comfort in him, warmed his heart. It did escape him that he had voluntarily touched someone, but the importance of the moment didn't escape Lisbon, whose emotions spilled over for the man's capability of gently offering comfort, while still battling with his own issues.

Lisbon was practically sitting in Jane's lap, her face still buried in his neck, now her sobbing slowing down, but as Jane seemed quite happy to sit with her like this, she decided to accept the gift of comfort that he had given her. She shyly and carefully pressed a kiss on his cheek, hoping that she wasn't overstepping herself. When Jane froze, she wanted to hit herself for pushing him, but then he tighten his grip on her and nuzzled his face against her hair.

All of the sudden Lisbon realised that Jane wasn't in a wheelchair and sat up and looked at him in wonder, to which Jane grinned back and flexed his legs as he seemed to know what she was thinking.

"You can walk!", Lisbon exclaimed.

"Yes, I can and I wanted to surprise you", Jane smiled proudly, but then became serious.

"I didn't want to disturb you like this, but I was worried when I saw you coming out of the psychologist's office looking so tired and sad", he continued looking at Lisbon the worry evident in his eyes.

Lisbon wiped her eyes dry and decided still to stick with honesty, "It's just gets a bit overwhelming sometimes and I still worry about you."

"When it gets too much, I wish you would tell me so I could try to help you", Jane whispered finishing with a quiet, "I'm sorry".

Lisbon made him look at her, "There is nothing to worry about. I promise to tell you if you promise to tell me when it gets too much, ok?".

Lisbon stood up from Jane's lap and held out her hand, "Let's go, the nurses must be worried sick for their favourite patient". Jane took the offered hand and was pleasantly surprised when the contact didn't trigger a bad response from his subconscious. He was about to let her hand go when Lisbon surprised him by entwining her fingers with his. They slowly started walking along the corridor, hand in hand.

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **This is it then! Thank you for joining the ride and I truly hope that you enjoyed the story. Happy holidays!

**Chapter 11.**

Jane was sitting on his bed leafing through his paperwork that Cho had picked up for him from his house. He really needed to get his house sold as there was no way he could live there now, but he needed to talk to Lisbon first as he was hoping he could stay with her until he found a new place. He knew he was nervously fidgeting with the paperwork, the thoughts merrily going around in his head, but he couldn't help it. Today he had agreed to talk about his injuries and his experience in that basement with the psychologist and he wanted to ask Lisbon to come with him. Partly to avoid repeating himself, partly to have someone know what went on who could explain it to the team, but mainly because he was desperate for her solid presence, someone to anchor him to this reality so that he wouldn't become trapped in his nightmare of a memory.

It had been agreed with all the doctors treating him that if things went reasonably well, he would stay for the night and then be discharged tomorrow. All out patient appointments were already booked and sorted, as well as his paperwork that just needed his signature.

Jane was relieved that he was getting out. He was getting twitchy and inpatient and although he was worried about entering the outside world again, he was confident that Lisbon would help him. He just wished he could somehow show how important she was to him. He smiled to himself, he had been sneakily touching her more, in a very innocent manner mind you, but she had seem to welcome the contact and he was thrilled. Maybe showing her how much he cared about her, would be a start in paying back all the things she had done for him.

Minelli had also dropped in to Jane's relief and they had had a good chat about his future in CBI. Minelli had told him that he would be on paid sick leave for another month and then if he felt like it, he was welcome to come back as a consultant. Jane had hesitantly asked if it would be all right for him to stay in the office more and not to interact with the suspects directly, at least to start with and Minelli had been very receptive to the idea. He had left leaving Jane positive about his future although he was sure that Minelli was more relieved to have him causing less trouble with suspects and witnesses than before. All practical details were falling into place, now if he could just get this house sold off.

Jane gave a frustrated huff and dropped the papers. Maybe he could forget about the coming meeting if he slipped off to the pediatric ward. To the delight of the young patients, he had been entertaining them with tricks and he was loved by the staff and patients alike. Jane claimed that he went there to practice his arm and shoulder, but the nurses and himself knew that he genuinely wanted to brighten up the children's day. He was also distantly aware that this was something he might have not done before in an attempt to not think about his lovely daughter, but he had found that the memories of his daughter and wife didn't produce such anger and blinding vengeance as before. He still felt the grief and sadness, but he could deal with that.

Jane carefully took himself out of his room, giving a heads up to the nurses where he was going to be and took off to see if he could delight some children.

XXX

Lisbon arrived to Jane's room to find it empty. She stood there for a while, burrowing her forehead, until a nurse called out in passing that Jane had gone to the children's ward. Lisbon relaxed as she was still hypersensitive whenever Jane wasn't where he was suppose to be. Lisbon sat down in the chair and thought about how good it was to see Jane interacting with children. He had found out that he wasn't freaked out by them even if they climbed to sit in his lap or were tugging his sleeves, so he was happy to keep them company.

She didn't have to wait for long for Jane to turn up, a wide smile lighting up his face when he saw her. Lisbon couldn't help but smile back at him. Jane came to her and gently hugged her as had become his habit of greeting her and she hugged him back. She was careful to follow his lead as she didn't want to cause any more problems for him and her jumping him would be counted as a problem.

"Teresa, I have two favours to ask", Jane started hesitantly sitting down on his bed. Lisbon sat down next to him trying to peer at his face while he stared at the floor.

"Go on", Lisbon encouraged him wondering what he might need, but at the same time having already decided that she would do whatever he wanted.

"I'm going to put my house up for sale, but need to stay somewhere in the mean time. Could I stay with you?", Jane asked looking at her hopefully. To his relief Lisbon broke out in a smile and replied, " That was the plan to start with. I'm going to come and pick you up tomorrow and you will stay with me as long as you want".

Jane looked happy for that answer but then became hesitant, which was still startling Lisbon as hesitant Jane wasn't something she was used to seeing.

"Could you come with me to the psychologist's session today?", he asked quietly, almost pleading with his eyes for her to answer yes. Lisbon was deeply touched that he trusted her so much that he was comfortable to have her there while he was opening up about his traumatic experience.

Lisbon took hold of Jane's hand stroking the knuckles and said, "If you want me there, I will be there".

XXX

The session had been difficult, Jane breaking down in tears many times while going through his nightmare as well as realising the extent of his injuries for the first time. Lisbon had sat next to him, holding his hand and holding him while he cried, fighting back her own tears and the fury she felt while helplessly listening to what had taken place. But they managed to get through it and Jane was calm, although emotionally and physically spent afterwards. Jane was lying down in the bed while Lisbon was sitting next to him, absent mindedly stroking his hair while lost in thought how close she had come loosing him.

All of the sudden she felt Jane gently stopping her hand and pressing a kiss on to her palm and when she looked down at him in surprise, Jane was looking up at her with an expression that she hadn't seen on his face before.

"Is this all right?", Jane asked and pressed another kiss, this time on her wrist. Lisbon blushed and felt all tingly all of the sudden as in her mind she was doing a little happy dance.

"Yes", she whispered and was met by Jane's beautiful eyes when he sat up, staying very close to her while looking straight into her soul as only Jane could. They were already almost nose to nose, when Jane leaned a bit more forward and gently kissed her pulling back again gauging her reaction, which didn't disappoint him. With dark eyes Lisbon moved to close the short distance and tried to pour into the kiss all her feelings and was rewarded in turn by the avalanche of Jane's emotions.

They stayed in their own cocoon of a world until they were interrupted by a grinning nurse telling Lisbon that the visiting time was over. Lisbon leaned her forehead against Jane's and murmured, "I better go".

Jane held onto her for a moment longer and then let her go. This had been waiting to happen so neither of them were surprised or feeling awkward, they felt content. Lisbon promised to come back the next morning to take him home and he fell asleep dreaming of Lisbon.

XXX

The night had gone well, Jane not waking up in terror and he hadn't had any panic attacks either so the doctor's were happy to discharge him to Lisbon's care. She was finalising some of the paperwork while Jane was getting dressed and getting his things together.

"It's such a great joy to see Mr. Jane going home feeling so well", one of the nurses was gushing at Lisbon.

"He's so lucky to have people who care about him as much as you do. Too bad that his brother couldn't bring himself to go in and visit him", the nurse continued shaking her head.

Lisbon's head shot up, while her hand froze.

"Jane doesn't have a brother. What are you talking about?", she asked feeling the all familiar dread creeping back to her belly.

"A man, who said that he was Mr. Jane's estranged brother, has come in every week to see how he's doing without visiting him as he said he doesn't want to cause any more emotional trauma before he's sure that Mr. Jane is ready to talk to him", the nurse answered baffled and now alarmed when she saw Lisbon's face. Lisbon took her mobile out and numbly noticed that her hands were shaking.

"Cho, Red John has been here masquerading as Jane's brother. We need all the surveillance tapes and I want a 24 h protection for Jane", Lisbon explained and was relieved to have such a wonderful team when Cho promised to sort things out immediately.

Lisbon walked back to Jane's room and he could tell straight away that something had happened and his smile slipped.

"What is it, Teresa?", he asked worried.

"Red John has been here pretending to be your brother to get information of your condition", Lisbon explained truthfully. Jane seemed torn, he didn't know what to think of the situation.

"I don't want to put you in any danger. I can stay at a hotel", Jane said in the end looking defeated. Lisbon stepped to him and hugged him close.

"The only place where you are going is my place, is that clear?", she said to his chest, managing to sound her normal bossy self even when her face was pressed against his shirt. Jane was amused by the fierce protectiveness of Lisbon, but then he should have known better. He was part of her family now and she was known to look after her own.

A mobile started ringing and Lisbon reluctantly let Jane go to answer it. To her concern it was from an unknown number.

"Lisbon", she answered.

"Agent Lisbon, what a pleasure to speak to you again. I'm glad you found Mr. Jane in time", a soft, familiar voice reached her ears.

"What do you want?", she angrily asked.

"Oh, nothing really. I though that you might want to know that I have been keeping an eye on Mr. Jane and it seems that he genuinely has changed and as such is less of a worthy opponent for me. I won't bother him. For now.", and the line went dead.

Jane looked at Lisbon worriedly, he could guess who she had talked to and was worried what had been said. Lisbon turned to him, looking confused.

"He said that because you have changed that you are not a worthy opponent any more and he won't bother you", she explained to Jane.

"I wouldn't believe that", Jane said quietly.

"Neither would I, so we just have to keep our eyes open. But I have arranged a 24 hour surveillance for my flat for now", Lisbon continued.

"Does that mean that we have to behave all prim and proper?", Jane pouted while wrapping his arms around Lisbon's waist and kissing her gently, to which Lisbon whacked his arm trying to get him to be serious. Some things never changed.

XXX

He was watching them getting out of the car and walking slowly in to Lisbon's flat. He might believe that Jane was truly a changed man, but he would keep an eye on him and act accordingly if it seemed that he had been lying. He smiled to himself, maybe the best of games was still ahead.

**The end**


End file.
